Seeing The Lighter Side of Life Doesn’t Necessarily Involve Having A Sense Of Humour

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

I had coffee with a fellow stand-up comic-turned-inspirational speaker the other day and at one point in our conversation I said to her that lightening up about the inevitable changes and challenges that come our way has very little to do with having a sense of humour or being funny. She looked at me with a perplexed look on her face and asked me to explain what the heck I was talking about. I told her that my programs are centred around seeing changes and challenges from a higher perspective which I believe can help all of us see stressors in a different “light”. When we take several steps back to see the bigger picture…what’s really going on, we can’t help but lighten up about stuff that can so easily cause us suffering. Suffering occurs when we see our earthly dramas as being nothing more than what is going on right in front of us.

The higher perspective that I am referring to comes from believing I am a spiritual being having a human experience. By being mindful that my soul is down here on earth living out a life experience that it signed up for well before it arrived, allows light to shine in during even the darkest of times.

I’m an expert on the topic of lightening up, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve been blessed with a sense of humour – razor sharp wit, some might say – not many, but some. No, I’m an expert on this topic because living and working with lightness has never come naturally to me. If I’m not on my game 24/7, I can easily walk around looking and sounding like I’m some kind of head of state. I’ve had to work my rear end off to even get to the point where I am at now which is to say that I mostly see things from a higher perspective – I usually live and work with lightness.

My passion for the topic of lightening up comes by me honestly. In my last blog post, I talked about how me and Mr. Depression go way back and that it wasn’t until I changed my perception and thoughts about challenges that my mental health improved. So, as a follow-up to my previous post about how changing our thoughts can truly change our experience here on earth, I offer 3 ways I view and think about stuff that can so easily lead Mr. Depression to come a knockin’….

1. All changes and challenges will end up contributing to my evolution in some way. Maybe i’ll learn a skill, make a connection, hear a message I need to hear, see something about myself I need to see. I stay curious by staying mindful of the fact that any time the $#%@ has hit the fan in my life, it’s ended up happening FOR me – it served some kind of purpose. With all that great “past data” of hardships being a some kind of a gift, why oh why would that magic not be hard at work right now???? I am a chess piece being placed in a certain spot at a certain time with some kind of great strategic thinking in mind.

2. I am here to evolve and grow through experience. If I’m a spiritual being having a human EXPERIENCE, the expectation that all my evolving and growing is only going to happen through pleasant experiences is a one-way ticket to stressville. Ebbs an flows, highs and lows, the good, the bad, and the ugly, baby. It’s all coming our way so you and I can get done whatever it is that we are here to do. Acceptance of the ebbs as part of the human experience is a one-way ticket on the peace train. As one of my favourite authors, Neale Donald Walsch, taught me in his wonderful book, When Everything Changes, Change Everything, the shift that is ours to make is from wondering IF change will happen to wondering WHEN change will happen. Amen, brother Neil, amen.

3. The truth is always lighter than the story. Next time you’re ranting on about the past or the future, take a moment to see how much of your rant is actually TRUE. When I’m not living mindfully of the fact that everything is perfect even when it isn’t, my negative perception of a challenge can easily create a story that would freak anyone out. When I left stand-up comedy and started working in a Human Resources branch in the Ontario government, I told myself a couple stories day after day. The first story that I told myself was that I was lost – even though the truth was that I found myself to work and home each and every day. The other story was that I didn’t belong there – even though the truth was that they let me in the door each and every day and do my things. I believed those stories even though the truth was that I merely left stand-up comedy and was beginning a new job in a Human Resources branch in the Ontario government – the truth was that I was beginning a new chapter in my life. This world does not contain anything but neutral events, situations, and people – anything beyond the facts are created by the lenses we see it through. Focusing more on the truth really just requires a new set of lenses – ones that help us see things for what they truly are. So often we aren’t having a crisis, we’re experiencing a challenge. As my therapist once said to me as I was going on and on about one of my earthly dramas, “a crisis is when you pick up the phone and call 9-1-1…Susan, watch your words”.

I hope these 3 shifts help you view challenges from a higher perspective because that’s when we can see them in their proper “light”.

Big Love,

susan

Catherine Zeta-Jones And I Finally Have Something In Common

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

Perhaps by now you’ve heard the news that Catherine Zeta-Jones recently sought treatment for bipolar II condition which is a mental illness that involves both prolonged periods of depression along with short periods of manic episodes. When I watched the report on the Today Show this morning, I was inspired to share that I too have suffered from depression and anxiety. I’ve had around five bouts of high grade depression and anxiety that have brought my ability to function and enjoy my life pretty much to a grinding halt. One of the reasons I am so passionate about seeing the lighter side of life is because I have experienced the darkness – I have gone through many weeks at a time when I can’t face getting out of bed, I avoid my work, I withdraw from my friends and family, and can’t for the life of me keep breakfast down.Weirdly enough, most of my depressions took place in the spring so hey, at least I got thin for bathing suit season…ah, the good ol’ crisis diet…I’m an emotional wreck, but damn I look good.

Catherine and I are not both rich and famous…we’re not both married to a man who is rich and famous…and we’re certainly not both gorgeous,voluptuous brunettes, (the difference is that I’m blonde), but we do both have a mental illness that we’ll be managing for the rest of our lives. Catherine and I have a very sensitive chemical make-up that can go off-balance when we view and think about things in a negative/fearful way for a sustained period of time. Catherine and I will be managing our conditions for the rest of our lives – she will be doing it in some mansion tucked away in the Hollywood hills mind you, but we will both be managing mental illness nonetheless.

Actually, I bring up the fact that she is a well-off celebrity to inject this post about mental illness with a bit of comic relief, but there is a point to be made with that fact that she is indeed wealthy and famous. Here we are living very different lives, and yet, we both have been in the “jaws of the black dog” as my friend Liz so appropriately stated on Facebook the other day. No matter what the external circumstances are (in Catherine’s case, lots of fame/tons of moolah/good looks, etc.), if someone is sending a message to their brain day after day that they are in danger, stress hormones go one the rise. Our brains aren’t that swift when it comes to being trigger-happy with the stress response – it can’t tell the difference between real danger and perceived danger – or in other words, our stressful thoughts. For example, reacting to your house catching on fire versus freaking out over your manager’s never-ending lack of leadership skills sends the same messages to the brain that there is danger. When our brains sense real or perceived danger, cortisol is released into our system and the result reminds me of the the time many years ago when my father came home unexpectedly one night while I was having a wee get-together with a few friends…it really wrecks the party.

Catherine’s experience with mental illness amidst her apparent “good life” goes to prove that no matter how good someone has it in the external sense, if they are seeing things and thinking about things in a way that tells their body they’re in danger and triggers the release of cortisol day after day, there won’t be enough endorphins and calming neurotransmitters to keep them feeling BALANCED to enjoy said “good life”. It’s important for me to mention that her husband, Michael Douglas, has faced throat cancer over the past couple of years, so Catherine has probably had a perception of being in great danger for many months on end. Life’s changes and challenges sometimes just gets the best of us and fear takes its mighty hold…that’s the bumpy ride called the human experience.

As I mentioned earlier in this post, Catherine and I will be managing our own, unique versions of mental illness for the rest of our lives. Just like the risk of heart disease can be lowered by the CHOICES one makes in terms of lifestyle habits, lowering the risk of mental illness can be lowered by CHOOSING to see and think about challenges in a way that tells one’s body that despite the $#@! hitting the fan, we’re going to be okay and hence, the chemical balance remains unaltered.

Even though most of my experiences with mental illness occurred while I was in my twenties, I’m still not immune to it. In fact, I experienced both depression and anxiety (they tend to go hand in hand which is really neat) once again back this past winter. I got thin again, but recovered way too early to look any better on the beach this summer…damn winter depressions. I now see with great clarity that each time I have gotten sick, it has stemmed from what I was telling myself day after day about the certain challenges that were unfolding in my life. Yes, thank goodness medication exists and yes, I’m a huge promoter of all things wellness, but the true healer of any form/level of depression lies within our ability to BE AWAKE…to be aware of how we’re viewing and thinking about the stuff that comes our way in life.

Strong mental health can be Catherine’s, mine, and perhaps yours if you too have a sensitive chemical balance in your brain, if we consciously choose to see the lighter side of life and keep that stress response at bay for one more day.

Big Love,

susan

*my next post will offer some specific ways of seeing changes and challenges in ways that can keep one’s stress hormones at bay…these acts of mindfulness have helped me greatly…stay tuned!

An iphone-Lovin’ Woman’s Admission & Call To Action

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Are you here? I mean, really here? Are you fully present as you read this?

Are your here right now?

Good for you if you are because being fully present in the moment has become just as tough as winning an immunity challenge on SURVIVOR.

Our portable access to communication towers and the internet (cell phones/smart phones) has led many of us to being in one place and our awareness placed on a galaxy far, far away. As we weave phone calls, texts and instant messages into our work tasks, lunch dates, and minutes spent standing in lines, someone who is paying attention to where they are and what is happening in that moment has become a precious commodity.

To be completely honest and vulnerable with you, I don’t exactly fall in the precious commodity category. I heart my iphone so much and it often whisks me away from being fully present in my life – it gently bows my head to pray…to the digital world that awaits me.

My mother will find this post both amusing and ironic considering my behaviour since the iphone has entered my life. Back in February, I spent an evening with my mother and her friends in Florida and shamefully wasn’t THERE because I was texting. It upset my mother and it wasn’t a good look in front of her friends. iphone: 1, Personal Integrity: 0

Yeah, that’s the thing – being somewhere rather than here right now takes away our opportunity to truly experience our life as it unfolds, but it also takes away our opportunity to be kind to and engaged with the people we meet. Isn’t that the number one reason why were here on earth, anyway?

When we’re not fully present in our personal life, we risk offending people and losing friends. What does it risk in our professional life???

Well, let me tell you a little story that answers that question. I was recently at a certain telecommunications retail store (that rhymes with FOGERS) and the employee who was helping me answered his personal cell phone and started chatting with what I can only assume was his friend right in the middle of our transaction. No “hey buddy, I’m busy right now, I’ll call you back.” Nope, he chatted away as I stood there contemplating going over to FELUS or FELL . As this guy was chatting to his friend on his cell phone, he wasn’t at work helping me out anymore – he was with his friend. As we were close to wrapping up my purchase, he started to text someone on his personal cell phone. You and I both know that multi-tasking is a myth so once again, he wasn’t helping me anymore, but typing messages to someone. It wasn’t until the store manager came along and asked him to put away his phone that he became fully present with me again.

My theory stands firm – not enough communications companies exist for FOGERS to decide that being fully present and engaged with customers is crucial to its success.

When enough competition exists, my equation for success kicks in: WHAT YOU DO + WHO YOU ARE.

Being here right now helps you rock out that WHO YOU ARE bit…big time.

This is the opportunity that you have: to put down the phone and be here right now with those you work with and serve.

Whatever you do for a living or where ever you work, there is probably lots of competition that has made your client’s/customer’s experience during service a big factor that greatly influences their impressions of you and decisions. One way you can create a positive experience for anyone you serve is to pay more attention to what’s happening in the present moment…the time you share with them.

While being here right now is such a precious commodity, your light will shine even brighter.

With success being a combination of WHAT YOU DO and WHO YOU ARE, the brightness of your light is a huge deal.

Time to put away the phone a bit more? My experience at FOGERS sure has inspired me.

Big Love,

susan