“By nature, all living things are imperfect.” – Paul Hudson (Elite Daily)
For about a month this fall I felt rather “blue”. It was nothing that sent me under the covers for days or weeks on end, but it was a few degrees south of contentment mixed with bouts of anxiety and an ongoing sense of malaise.
I have experienced this “ebb” in my drive, creativity, and general enthusiasm for life two years in a row at the exact same time of year. I’m not sure if it has something to do with the fact that I have written and self-published a book during the past two summers and it’s some kind of writer’s version of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it’s no fun.
This time around I was slightly more accepting of the symptoms. I remembered well that the most healing thing I did last year was to stop fighting it and simply let it be. Allowing myself to be in the “ebb” is what helped the “flow” to return.
In my conscious attempt to accept this latest “ebb”, feelings of guilt and shame emerged out of one recurring thought: This is not cool considering what I do for a living.
There I was – a depressed, anxious, and un-motivated motivational speaker.
As I continued to tell myself how inappropriate it was for me to feel anything less than joy and be nothing less than happy, the “ebb” seemed to intensify.
As I was breathing my way through another tough day, my yoga teacher talked about how everything in this world is natural. Even though things like concrete, asphalt, and steel don’t appear as natural, they are all created by elements of the earth. Even though there are buildings, sidewalks, and subways, in a city we are still surrounded by nature.
When you can see a city as being just as natural as a forest (because it is), you can find yourself as comfortable and at ease in the city as you are in the forest.
Just like everything in the city is natural, everything you’re thinking, feeling, or going through is natural.
Everything in this world is natural.
Judgement is natural. Drifting away from the present moment in a breath meditation is natural. Jealousy is natural. Worrying is natural. Wishing you were as fat as when you first thought you were fat is natural. (Those were the good ol’ days, after all.)
Feeling depressed, anxious, and un-motivated is natural…even when you’re a motivational speaker.
To feel more comfort and ease in the “ebbs”, see them as natural as the “flows”.
When you see all of your negative feelings and thoughts as natural, it’s easier to let go of them.
When you judge your thoughts and feelings as wrong and see them as a negative reflection of yourself those thoughts and feelings get tucked away in a state of horror.
And they stay. They stay and follow you around where ever you go while saying crappy things to you like some kind of mother-in-law from hell who has moved in because no one else would take her.
Basing your identity on stuff that happens (or doesn’t happen) in your life is called attachment for a good reason.
When the fear, or the fretting, or the worry happens, let there be no guilt or shame. No beating yourself up. It doesn’t mean that you’re a “positive thinking school-drop-out” or a “spiritual has-been”. It actually doesn’t mean anything at all.
Remember that just like everything in a city, whatever you’re thinking, feeling, or going through, it’s natural.
And with that awareness and compassion, you can let it all go.