Do you have a habit that you wish you could change?

Do you act out in a way that has you perpetually asking yourself, “When I am going to finally stop doing that?”

I’ve been golfing for many years now. During my ten or so years of playing the game (and supposedly loving the game), I have experienced much frustration, anger, and heart-wrenching disappointment. How do you 4-putt after that beautiful drive????? Feeling those negative emotions, I have had the mouth of a trucker, I have stomped down fairways, and in one particular dark moment, I sent my pitching wedge flying into a pond near the 18th green – sometimes you just know when a relationship is over, don’t you?

Needless to say, I’m not as calm, relaxed, and light-hearted out on the course as I would like to be. Oh, to be in a state of grace in the moments when I look like it’s my first time trying the sport. Even though I’ve become more contained in my angst and responsible for my energy out on the course (ummmm…live well, laugh lots?), I still haven’t completely changed. To this day, I can still get down on my self, my temper can flare, and my sense of humour can exit stage right.

In light of the fact that I write and speak about relieving stress by cultivating mindfulness and seeing things from a higher perspective (that’s my safe way of saying spirituality…shhhhh…let’s keep it between us), I still struggle to keep my cool when playing golf.

What gives? What has to happen for my behaviour to really change? The answer to that question is that I need to re-think my beliefs.

Until I believe that the experience of being out on the course with friends and loved ones is more valuable than the outcome, I won’t be able to savour the gifts of the day.

Until I believe that my self-worth isn’t hinged on me shooting a low score, I won’t be able to laugh off a lousy shot.

Until I truly believe that I am not my golf game, I will be far away from my desired state of grace.

Going after the behaviour without bothering to re-think the big thoughts behind it makes it impossible to sustain any kind of positive change.

Trust me, I’ve tried.

Change your behaviour by changing what you believe.

Shop Too Much? Re-think the belief that you are what you have. (You are way more than that.)

Work Too Much? Re-think the belief that you are what you do and what you’ve accomplished. (You are way more than that too.)

Are You A Pleaser? Or Out Of Balance? Or Exhausted From Doing So Much? Re-think the beliefs you have about what the world expects of you. (You are here on this earth to shine…if what you’re doing is dimming your light, there is no NEED to be involved.)

Eat Too Much? Re-think the belief that food is love. (You are loved!)

Impatient? Always In A Hurry? Re-think the belief that the present moment is the ugly step-sister of the oh-so-sexy future. (The present moment is all you really have.)

Depressed or Anxious? Re-think the belief that your toxic thoughts are true. (Any thoughts that make you suffer are definitely a bunch of crap.)

Selfish/Self-Absorbed? Re-think the belief that this life is about you. (This life is about being of service – helping others, being a spark of light, and being a source of love. You can still have lots of fun and make lots of money  focusing on those things, by the way…more fun and more money are actually hinged on you believing this.)

Always Striving For Perfection? Re-think your belief that your ego-driven idea of perfect even exists and re-think your belief that things should be a certain way. (The way things are and turn out is perfect because it takes you to the next step in your journey. As Danielle LaPorte would say, “Everything Is Progress.”)

Tight With Your Money, Time or Energy? Re-think the belief that the more you squander or hoard the more you will have. (Be the source of what you want in your life. Generosity of any kind is the most powerful way to attract more of that into your life because it sends a big ol’ message to the universe that there’s lots more where that came from!)

And so on.

Thoughts turn into behaviours that turn into habits. Break habits and break patterns by breaking through to a new way of thinking.

If my self-worth isn’t dependent on my ability to golf, then why would I get upset? Why would I not laugh and have fun no matter what? There’s the connection!

Look at any behaviour or habit that isn’t working for you and challenge the thoughts that lead you down the garden path…or the pitching wedge into the pond. (Ahem.)

Big Love,

susan